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The following is from a thread I posted last year on another forum. Hopefully it will add a bit of perspective to this years season.
AT THIS LOVELY TIME OF YEAR WE ARE ALL RECEIVING SEED CATALOGS, BRIGHTENING UP OUR DAYS WITH GORGEOUS PICTURES OF EVERY GOURMETS WILDEST FANTASIES AND A GARDENERS HOLY GRAIL. i POSIT THAT THESE VERY CATALOGS ARE A DANGER TO THE GARDENERS MENTAL HEALTH. THESE AGRICULTURAL PORN SITES ARE CHOCK FULL OF DISGUSTINGLY PERFECT TOMATOES, OF CLUSTERS OF GRAPES LARGE ENOUGH TO MAKE A HALF GALLON OF WINE. OF BROCCOLI SO HUGE THEY DON'T FIT ON A PLATE. OF PEPPER PLANTS SO COVERED WITH FRUIT THAT YOU CAN BARELY SEE ANY LEAVES. OF FRUITS SO EASY TO GROW THAT EVEN YOU CANNOT HELP BUT FILL YOUR PANTRY TO OVERFLOWING. AND NARY A BLEMISH TO BE SEEN. NO SIGNS OF ANY INSECT DAMAGE ANYWHERE, OF HALF CHEWED LEAVES,, OF HOLES DRILLED INTO TOMATOES, OF A SLUGS SLIME TRAIL, NOTHING. BUT OF COURSE YOU WILL NOT EVER ENCOUNTER ANY OF THESE NASTIES IF YOU JUST TURN TO PAGE 69 AND PURCHASE THEIR ALL PURPOSE, ALL IN ONE, EASY TO USE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99.
SPRING ARRIVES. YOU ARE EUPHORIC WITH VISIONS OF PLUMS AND TOMATOES DANCING IN YOUR HEAD. YOU HAVE YOUR PACKETS OF DREAMS SOON TO BE FULFILLED. YOU SWEAT AND TOIL. YOU USE THE SUPER ALL IN ONE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99. YOU SOW THE SEEDS AND WITH BATED BREATH YOU WAIT FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE EONS FOR THEIR LITTLE HEADS TO POP UP OUT OF YOUR PERFECT SOIL. YOUR MIND IS AT EASE, ALL IS WELL IN THE GARDENING WORLD. YOUR NEW FAMILY OF TOMATOES AND PEPPERS AND BEANS AND ALL OF THE FRUITS THAT ARE SO EASY TO GROW EVEN YOU CAN FILL YOUR PANTRY ARE THRIVING. A GOOD DAYS WORK YOU SAY TO YOURSELF WITH SMUG SATISFACTION, AND THEN THE NEXT DAY SHOCK, PANIC, HEART PALPITATIONS! YOUR NEW FAMILY IS WILTED, THERE ARE SLIME TRAILS FROM EVERY DIRECTION CONVERGING ON YOUR GARDEN, WHAT SEEMS LIKE CLOUDS OF INSECTS ARE HOVERING OVERHEAD AND THERE ARE BLACK SPOTS AND MOLD AND MILDEW EVERYWHERE. AS THE FIRST SIGNS OF SHOCK AND DISBELIEF DISSIPATE SOMEWHAT YOU ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO I DO? YOU RACK YOUR BRAIN, YOU WORRY, YOU ARE STRESSED UNTIL THE ANSWER COMES. SO SIMPLE. I WILL JUST GO ONLINE TO GF AND ASK. YOU RACE BACK TO YOUR COMPUTER AND DESCRIBE WHAT IS HAPPENING AND THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. THE LOCAL EXPERT ASKS IF YOU USED THE SUPER ALL IN ONE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99 AND IF SO THAT IS THE PROBLEM AND IF SO DO THIS. YOU DO AS INSTRUCTED AND LOW AND BEHOLD YOUR NEW FAMILY IS AGAIN THRIVING. YOUR PLANTS GROW AND MAKE A LOT OF FRUIT BUT SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, SOMETHING JUST ISN'T THE SAME AS ALL OF THOSE GORGEOUS PICTURES IN THE SEED CATALOG SHOW. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY ARE MY BROCCOLI ONLY HALF A BIG AS A DINNER PLATE? MY TOMATOES AREN'T THE SAME UNIFORM COLOR. YOU HAVE A SLIGHT FEELING OF FAILURE, OF DEPRESSION, OF I DID SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE MY PEPPERS ONLY COVER HALF OF THE PLANT. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY YOU ASK YOURSELF, SO YOU GO ONLINE TO GF AND READ THIS RANT AND FIND OUT THAT THE CAUSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION ARE SEED CATALOGS.
AT THIS LOVELY TIME OF YEAR WE ARE ALL RECEIVING SEED CATALOGS, BRIGHTENING UP OUR DAYS WITH GORGEOUS PICTURES OF EVERY GOURMETS WILDEST FANTASIES AND A GARDENERS HOLY GRAIL. i POSIT THAT THESE VERY CATALOGS ARE A DANGER TO THE GARDENERS MENTAL HEALTH. THESE AGRICULTURAL PORN SITES ARE CHOCK FULL OF DISGUSTINGLY PERFECT TOMATOES, OF CLUSTERS OF GRAPES LARGE ENOUGH TO MAKE A HALF GALLON OF WINE. OF BROCCOLI SO HUGE THEY DON'T FIT ON A PLATE. OF PEPPER PLANTS SO COVERED WITH FRUIT THAT YOU CAN BARELY SEE ANY LEAVES. OF FRUITS SO EASY TO GROW THAT EVEN YOU CANNOT HELP BUT FILL YOUR PANTRY TO OVERFLOWING. AND NARY A BLEMISH TO BE SEEN. NO SIGNS OF ANY INSECT DAMAGE ANYWHERE, OF HALF CHEWED LEAVES,, OF HOLES DRILLED INTO TOMATOES, OF A SLUGS SLIME TRAIL, NOTHING. BUT OF COURSE YOU WILL NOT EVER ENCOUNTER ANY OF THESE NASTIES IF YOU JUST TURN TO PAGE 69 AND PURCHASE THEIR ALL PURPOSE, ALL IN ONE, EASY TO USE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99.
SPRING ARRIVES. YOU ARE EUPHORIC WITH VISIONS OF PLUMS AND TOMATOES DANCING IN YOUR HEAD. YOU HAVE YOUR PACKETS OF DREAMS SOON TO BE FULFILLED. YOU SWEAT AND TOIL. YOU USE THE SUPER ALL IN ONE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99. YOU SOW THE SEEDS AND WITH BATED BREATH YOU WAIT FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE EONS FOR THEIR LITTLE HEADS TO POP UP OUT OF YOUR PERFECT SOIL. YOUR MIND IS AT EASE, ALL IS WELL IN THE GARDENING WORLD. YOUR NEW FAMILY OF TOMATOES AND PEPPERS AND BEANS AND ALL OF THE FRUITS THAT ARE SO EASY TO GROW EVEN YOU CAN FILL YOUR PANTRY ARE THRIVING. A GOOD DAYS WORK YOU SAY TO YOURSELF WITH SMUG SATISFACTION, AND THEN THE NEXT DAY SHOCK, PANIC, HEART PALPITATIONS! YOUR NEW FAMILY IS WILTED, THERE ARE SLIME TRAILS FROM EVERY DIRECTION CONVERGING ON YOUR GARDEN, WHAT SEEMS LIKE CLOUDS OF INSECTS ARE HOVERING OVERHEAD AND THERE ARE BLACK SPOTS AND MOLD AND MILDEW EVERYWHERE. AS THE FIRST SIGNS OF SHOCK AND DISBELIEF DISSIPATE SOMEWHAT YOU ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO I DO? YOU RACK YOUR BRAIN, YOU WORRY, YOU ARE STRESSED UNTIL THE ANSWER COMES. SO SIMPLE. I WILL JUST GO ONLINE TO GF AND ASK. YOU RACE BACK TO YOUR COMPUTER AND DESCRIBE WHAT IS HAPPENING AND THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. THE LOCAL EXPERT ASKS IF YOU USED THE SUPER ALL IN ONE HERBIFERTIFUNGISECTIVE FOR ONLY $29.99 AND IF SO THAT IS THE PROBLEM AND IF SO DO THIS. YOU DO AS INSTRUCTED AND LOW AND BEHOLD YOUR NEW FAMILY IS AGAIN THRIVING. YOUR PLANTS GROW AND MAKE A LOT OF FRUIT BUT SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, SOMETHING JUST ISN'T THE SAME AS ALL OF THOSE GORGEOUS PICTURES IN THE SEED CATALOG SHOW. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY ARE MY BROCCOLI ONLY HALF A BIG AS A DINNER PLATE? MY TOMATOES AREN'T THE SAME UNIFORM COLOR. YOU HAVE A SLIGHT FEELING OF FAILURE, OF DEPRESSION, OF I DID SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE MY PEPPERS ONLY COVER HALF OF THE PLANT. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY YOU ASK YOURSELF, SO YOU GO ONLINE TO GF AND READ THIS RANT AND FIND OUT THAT THE CAUSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION ARE SEED CATALOGS.
