Know any gardening jokes ?

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Someone posting in search of help to create the perfect lawn reminded me of this one.

A new world tourist and his wife were visiting Canterbury cathedral, and he was mightily impressed by the beautiful green outside. As he was watching someone dressed in corduroy and pushing a wheel barrow appeared. Approaching him the tourist asked how one achieved such a beautiful lawn?
"First you prepare your ground, dig it fertilise it, roll it and level it.
Then you select your seed to match the growing conditions, sandy, loam, clay, full sun or shade.
Then you lets it grow 'til it is about four inches tall and then you mows.
And you mows and you mows for about four hundred year.

That was a favourite of my uncle, a Kentish farmer, another was,

The city slicker was watching the farmer planting potatoes, then he got the roller out and started rolling them in.
"What are you doing that for?"
"Thought we'd have 'em mashed this year."
 
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Funny!!
But the reality is that lawns came into popularity in the U.S. when real estate developers had to do something with that bare ground in front of houses they built by the thousands after WWII. So they planted grass seed and had quick and easy "landscaping". With the growing problems -- at least in the U.S. West--with water and increasing water restrictions, planting a lawn that needs irrigation is foolish. And lawns in front of homes are about to be banned in my city.
 
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Funny!!
But the reality is that lawns came into popularity in the U.S. when real estate developers had to do something with that bare ground in front of houses they built by the thousands after WWII. So they planted grass seed and had quick and easy "landscaping". With the growing problems -- at least in the U.S. West--with water and increasing water restrictions, planting a lawn that needs irrigation is foolish. And lawns in front of homes are about to be banned in my city.
Monkey grass is a lily so has a bulb that can be very thrifty with water. And no mowing the short ones like mondo. And thats no joke!
 
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Mondo grass, however, doesn't quite have the traditional lawn effect. One alternative for people who just gotta have a lawn is Buffalo grass, (Buchloe dactyloides) a native of the American Great Plains. It was the grass of choice for the great herds of buffalo!! It grows green in the spring and fades to brown in the Fall. Needs next to no water or mowing. It's been hybidized now so it is shorter and more lawn-like. I'm still more in favor of lawn-free gardens and I've posted photos of some no-lawn, drought tolerant garden designs I recommend at https://hotgardens.net/6-lawn-free-garden-designs-for-hot-climates/
 
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In English cities there is a problem because people have paved over lawns to park cars in front of houses. The increase of drainage area can overwhelm ancient storm drains, and of course the ground water level drops.
 
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In English cities there is a problem because people have paved over lawns to park cars in front of houses. The increase of drainage area can overwhelm ancient storm drains, and of course the ground water level drops.
Sooo..Modern people need bigger poop pipes because we fill them with more...? I suspected as much.
 

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