Best Weeds for Area-Denial?


J S

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I realise this is probably an unusual question, perhaps even odd, but I'm quite serious. I live in western Pennsylvania, and I have a small lot of lightly wooded land that I want to make un-navigable for practical purposes, with as little effort on my part as possible. I am looking for ideas for fast-growing, fast-spreading, durable, dense and generally antithetical-to-foot-traffic plant/weeds, so it will look and be far more trouble than it's worth to traipse through by the local riffraff until I am ready to do something with it. Nothing that will grow in the environment is off the table: thorns, allergy-inducing, the nastier the better.

So landowners, what's your nightmare weed?
 
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Anything viney that also has thorns. First the interlopers trip over the vine, then they encounter the thorns. Here we have catbriar/greenbriar/smilax that does the trick. I think it will grow in your area, too. The problem is once you no longer need or want it, it doesn't want to leave. Deeply rooted and spreading like crazy, greenbriar will climb fences and take over acreage quickly.
If the local riffraff are literate, post signs saying "Danger, mine field."
 
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Wild blackberries or dewberries are almost as bad as briars at least here in Texas
 
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Too funny, I have an unfenced "side yard" that is similarly wooded and weedy (although my township demands that I at least half-way control the weeds so they do not get head-high.) And I have a few people that have worn a path through it. I have raspberry and blackberry bushes along the back but a determined trespasser will tromp those down easily in spring.

Not sure what your zone is in western PA but here any plant that might be a deterrent will be ineffective for about half the year, when it dies off in winter. So maybe something evergreen and spiney?

I'd love to fence off my side yard but with all the trees and roots that will not be a simple or inexpensive by a long shot, the fence around the main part of my house was a couple thousand dollars and that was with me and friends doing most of the work, and used chain link fencing I found on craigslist. But the lumber and privacy fencing I had to buy new and it was not inexpensive.

I'm sort of liking the electric fence idea though.
 
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As someone who (responsibly) owned and titled working Rottweilers for 30 years, I just want to put in both a plug that these are some of the most stable dogs out there. Rottweilers were developed for centuries as all-purpose, calm, working farm dogs. That effing stupid Omen movie in the 1980s pretty much trashed the breeds reputation and original purpose but a proper Rottweiler is calm, social, friendly and biddable.
 
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About Rottweilers--we were vacationing in the Caribbean on a small island, and met a lady with a large adorable dog. I thought it was a Mastiff, but she set me straight--Rottweiler. We petted the dog and got slobbered on (a wonderful experience for those of you who haven't been thoroughly dampened by dog drool). Later we encountered the Rottie stretched out on a beach chair, tummy in the air, and snoring softly. I've been a fan of the breed ever since!
 
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